Sometimes things don’t turn out how you expected them to. Such is the case of my separation.  I did expect loneliness and depression.  I have experienced some of those two things, but only slightly.

These two weeks have been so blessed and happy all because of God’s love and grace towards me. I feel His supernatural “Princess” treatment. I have a growing suspicion that my loved ones’ prayers have availed much.

I heard/read somewhere that God’s love is with us even when we don’t feel it. In times like this it is difficult to believe and to trust but what I am experiencing now is the actual feeling loved by God.

I have never been so happy on my ‘own’. I have never believed I was valuable as I am learning to believe now. I was saved 5 years ago but I feel that I am just now starting to believe that I am a child of God. I have lived in fear and condemnation too long. I am taking my first steps as a confident daughter of God.

I visited a new church today and loved it. It is diverse and the message really hit home, if you would like to hear it visit www.shorelineonline.com

Here is a list of some of the most memorable things the pastor said:

• humanly speaking, we CANNOT live the christian life
• right believing produces right living Rom 1:5
• our ability to live the christian life is dependent on our relationship with God
• Jesus’ death is our death too 2 Cor 5:17
• though you may feel like the ‘old man’ if you are born again, that old man is DEAD
• our flesh is our constant companion
• after salvation the very core of who you are is DIFFERENT, regardless of how you may feel or act
• you may do the same old things after salvation but inside you are WRECKED afterwards
• the desires of the flesh will NEVER go away
• it’s not about ‘cleaning up’ your flesh but about renewing your mind
• we are no longer who we were.(period)

If you followed my crazy notes, you can see why i loved the sermon.  I have spent the past 5 years of my life knelt down in the Cemetery of Sinners, clawing at the dirt to dig up the nasty old corpse i once was.

I have always struggled with self-confidence but once i was saved i had a huge burden of shame i carried on my back because of my sins. It permeated every thought and decision I made. I wanted to dig up my corpse and dance around with it!? I believe that my marriage was doomed from the beginning largely due to my own stinkin’ thinkin’.

I am beginning a long path of ‘Christ-discovery’ within my own soul. I have done nothing to deserve God’s protection and overwhelming blessings over the past two weeks but I receive this joyous and trying time in my life.