Cultural identity. Hmmm. What does that mean to you? What does it mean to me? I think the defintion is the culture you most closely identify with or relate to.
In my case it’s racial. Am I American or am I Mexican? Am I both? Does it matter? Maybe not to anyone else but to me it definitely matters.
I hated moving to Podunk, Texas from Mexico when I was 6. I missed the food I was used to. I missed my grandma’s house. Hey! I left Barbies behind!
When I was 13 and we finally could (legally) return to Mexico I was like an Amish at a Best Buy. Completely out of place. 13 is an awkward age as it is.
Since then I have gone through ‘phases’ of my life where I have a burning need to connect with my roots. In and out, in and out. American. Oh wait…I am Mexican. Don’t live there…American. I love people there… Mexican. I speak better English and get made fun of my Spanish… American. Don’t quite fit in with ‘Texan’… Mexican. And on and on.
I am an adult. I am in the profession I love. I am married. I want to have children soon. And yet I am in this torturous continual swing going back and forth back and forth. Who do I want to be? Who do I want my children to be? And even who do I want my husband to be? What and who do I want to see around me when I am 50?
Do I want to become more of who I was born or do I want to lose that more and more and become someone I didn’t ask to be?
I feel guilty for being English dominant. Gratefully in my job I spend all day speaking Spanish. But I am stronger in English. All my education, excluding 1st grade, has been in English!! No one can blame me for that.
When I dated my husband I had a choice between him (Anglo) and a long-time Mexican crush. My decision still haunts me and is crippling for my marriage. I don’t want to lose anymore of my roots than I already have.
Does the person you marry affect your culture? Do you have to lose your culture to be a good wife? I refuse to.
Did you really have a choice? A crush? C’mon now, you sound like the teenager that you’re not.
The question you’re asking is as follows:
The man (warts and all) that God chose or a crush?
Think about that. You have doubts over a crush, a guy you hardly know. Yes our families know each other but beyond that what did you know about him?
Again I must point out that when 2 cultures come together, why is that the so-called dominant one (in this case, American and it’s only dominant since we live in America) has to be the one to bend over?
You don’t have to lose your culture, you can actually have it both ways but let us not confuse personal preferences with “our culture”.
Keep in mind that el macho mexicano is part of our “culture” yet I don’t see you wanting any part of that.
Admittedly, the fact that we live (and have spent the majority of our lives here) in the States influences us a lot but outside of missionary work who really wants to go back to Mexico?
You know full well I sure don’t. Not that I want to forget my roots but it must be set in our minds that our citizenship is neither in Mexico or here in the States.
My apologies if bringing up the Apostle’s words is too tidy in your view, but it is what it is, the Truth.
By: Laz on November 20, 2007
at 5:43 pm