What do you call it when you trust someone and ask them for help and they don’t deliver, so you, in turn, turn your back on them stop trusting him/her? If the someone is a person, you feel they betrayed you and so you harbor a grudge against him/her. That’s pretty much a sin.  But, what if the person I turned my back on was not a person at all but rather God?  That’s pretty much a big sin.

I have been telling people that I recently made up with God.  Not in the traditional conversion sense, because I did that in 2002.  I made up with God in 2002 and started an intimate relationship with Him but somewhere along the path, I stopped trusting Him and turned my back on Him. My question is did I ‘fall away’ as Hebrews warns us not to do or what?

Hebrews 6:4-6  For in the case of those who have once been enlightened and have tasted of the heavenly gift and have been made partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, it is impossible to renew them again to repentance, since they crucify to themselves the Son of God and put Him to open shame.

So, did I fall away or was I just estranged from God?

I may be using this Bible verse incorrectly but I am doing so intentionally because I want someone to tell whether what I did is defined as falling away or what? I have been reading in Hebrews a warning to not let yourself fall away, fall short of God’s grace, etc. What is the author talking about?  I have started to form an opinion that one can lose one’s salvation. My husband disagrees. But there are a several references in Hebrews to this.  Heb. 6:8 “but if it [the ground] yields thorns and thistles, it is worthless and close to being cursed and it ends up being burned.”

Doesn’t ‘burned’ sound a lot like hell?  Then in Heb 9:28 “so Christ also, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time for salvation without reference to sin, to those who eagerly await Him.”  Now, if you, as many have coined, prayed to receive Christ, BUT you are not eagerly awaiting Him, then Christ will not appear to you..??

I heard someone say that heaven is a place where God is number one and everyone there lives to worship and serve Him so….if you dont live to worship and serve Him on earth why would God want you in Heaven…i mean, you just wouldnt fit it.  Or for that matter why would you want to be there if you don’t adore Him presently?   If you don’t know how to swim and could care less about learning, you wouldn’t buy a beach house would you?

Anyway, I am conflicted about this issue. Personally, it makes sense.  If you truly believe that God and Jesus are who they say they are in the Bible, your life is going to show it.

For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a terrifying expectation of judgement and THE FURY OF A FIRE WHICH WILL CONSUME THE ADVERSARIES.  Hebrews 10:26-27

That’s pretty clear to me. I’m not attempting to silence the age-old debate of whether one can lose one’s salvation, but I am trying to understand all these references to it in Hebrews. And based on my understanding of them, if you don’t exhibit Christ-likeness throughout your life, then you have trampled under foot the Son of God, and…have insulted the Spirit of grace. (Hebrews 10:29)  And, therefore when you die, you will have to answer to God about that. If you led a life that insulted the Spirit of God’s grace, then why would God say, “Come in to my wonderful Heaven where grace abounds.”

I guess my concern is if I had died during my grudge against God would I have gone to Heaven?